A large amount of office problems can be attributed to the lovely people you see and share space with every day: your colleagues. Should she reach out? I ask people to chew their gum more quietly all the time. You would think that those folks who smack their gum would actually hear it and realize the terrible sound they are making. Provide her with a dish of hard candy or something chewy, such as Twizzlers. Try implicating yourself more than the loud chewer, though: "Argh, I have this stupid thing where I cannot handle any gum noise. Ask MetaFilter is a question and answer site that covers nearly any question on earth, where members help each other solve problems. Purchase headphones and listen to music, but loud, so as to provoke an office-wide conversation about noise. No one has probably confronted the gum chewer because of her high position. If not, establish a point person to talk to her. Gum popping and loud chewing obviously distracts from those. I like jacquilynne's answer in theory, and normally I think mentioning something bothersome nicely works out, but in this case I'd suck it up. I'm sure some of my coworkers just stew in silence, annoyed with my irritating volume control problems, and that thought hurts me far worse than a quick, respectful "Check yourself.". Use a casual reminder should the loud chewing persist. If … This lady is pushing 40 years old, so her behavior seems very unprofessional. Need our advice? (If he wasn't your direct report, then I would suggest a direct approach. Walt Hickey was FiveThirtyEight’s chief culture writer. The younger someone was, the more likely they were to say to “just buy headphones,” or “pick someone to talk to them.” I’ll confess, I did not know what human resources was for quite some time, and I did not fully grasp what health insurance flex accounts were until roughly six months ago, so maybe HR has to step up and reach out to us. Get HR involved because the letter writer cannot stir up drama that way. Gum. Many of the employees in this area are just past entry level, working on specific contracts, and the gum chewer is a manager, jovial but a bit thin-skinned. This is your direct report so this is very simple, direct them to stop smacking their gum, no explanations needed (and do leave the culture stuff out of it). For example, "Jane, remember that conversation we had at … My co-worker incessantly pops and sucks gum, even pulling it in and out of her mouth with her fingers. Then I say "I hear that is some good gum because you're chewing it awfully loud!" Presenting another option is a nice way to get her to stop chewing gum. Making personal call… We don’t want anyone getting fired over something like this. What should I do? Morgan Jerkins: Oooh the gum chewer is a manager and thin-skinned. It's so ridiculous, and I can't believe I'm even asking this but, can you actually chew your gum more quietly when I'm around, please?" Wearing strong perfume or cologne 4. It’s driving me mad! — Misophoniac. Walt: And if this establishment is too small to have an HR department, I think your way is the best way. Morgan: Oh, that’s even better, actually. But, I urge you to have the support of someone higher if possible, just in case. Talk to her colleagues to see if anyone has ever talked to the gum chewer about her habit. But of course I want to be told when I'm disturbing someone's ability to work. I would recommend the letter writer talk to her colleagues to see if anyone has ever talked to the gum chewer about her habit. That's the whole point of being the boss. He was absolutely mortified, and made a huge effort to stop. I mean, headphones can do a lot of things, but when it comes to isolating yourself from the sights and smells of a performative gum chewer, they’re going to fall flat. If you’re going to be chewing gum, watch out for the smacking. I would not tell him it's annoying or anything. Very diplomatic ones. I think it's fine to politely ask, but as an alternative, could you try wearing noise-canceling headphones (with or without music, depending on the level of the noise)? Morgan: It can help for a short while, but perhaps not long term. Can you try to chew it more quietly, please? @WaltHickey, Morgan Jerkins is a writer living in New York City. Many people chew gum to curb unwanted (and unhealthy) snacking cravings and avoid weight gain, but the constant chewing … I didn't mention the stress, or the psychologist. I can’t stress that enough. Have a discreet conversation with human resources about it. And shout out to the 26 respondents who are me and would just escalate it. Good luck. I work in a large open “bullpen” with three desks in each of a dozen or so rows. Clipping their nails 2. "I was on the bus this morning and I almost lost my dang mind, this person was chewing so loud" or "I couldn't even finish. You May Have Misophonia The hatred of noisy eating is an actual neurological disorder called misophonia, and it can impact the ability to learn This will. Whistling, humming, or singing 5. My coworker chews gum really loudly and it annoys me. Join 6,470 readers in helping fund MetaFilter. I stop whatever I'm doing and stare at them until they notice. Even if you think it's a factor.). Walt: Still, while “tattle to HR” was the easiest answer here, it’s encouraging to see that for those who aren’t in an office with a dedicated human resources department, it’s far from uncouth to delegate someone to have the conversation. Walt: Oh yeah, this is wonderful. But, alas, they do not. We really did. “However, it isn’t an issue of overly sensitive hearing – a misophonia sufferer’s hearing is exactly the same as everyone else’s,” says Gupta. These could include someone next to you smacking gum or chewing food loudly. She has to be strategic. While it seems like a small thing, this is influencing the quality of the work environment for dozens of company employees. Don’t do that if you can avoid it. And since we can gather that there’s a power imbalance between the letter writer and the gum chewer, going to HR could be the only way she has to get a neutral third party to flag the problem. Walt: Oh look, we had a bunch of grown-ups respond to the question. If your deskmate has a slurpy soup for lunch one day, it’s best to plug in earphones and disengage. Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email. Or you can privately pull him aside and ask if he can chew his gum more quietly because you can hear it from where you're sitting? Not if he's your direct report. The offending gum chewer has been at it for a couple of months, and though I’ve heard one or two people joke about the popping, no one has ever confronted the perpetrator. Just say something nicely and in private. If yes, then buy those earplugs ASAP. We presented respondents with Misophoniac’s letter and asked which is the best advice given the situation. There is one sound that dwarfs all of them in its sheer malevolence to my ears. Way more effective than earplugs (and more normal looking in an office). adding to ibo's comment- yes we can sometimes hear these things. Also, depending on your location and kind of organisation, it could be used to bolster a perception of unfair bias in case of dispute about performance or pay. I loathe the chewing of gum and all the sounds that come with it. "Can you chew that gum more quietly, please? "Chewing is almost universal. He handles it by making big jokes about his own phobia and telling stories about how his kids can make him crazy with gum. Want to know how to stop it? These are uncomfortable conversations, but my boss had to tell one of my co-workers to wear deodorant/shower more. (And probably start listening to something like soothing music or white noise with my headphones or quietly seeking a more distant spot in the office to which you can relocate.) People love drama. Ha ha, remember my whole weird thing about it." I expected for people to advocate for the letter writer to gather all of the employees to stage a kind of coup d’état or something along those lines. Some of the less-than-lovely things they might be doing with their time include: 1. I chew gum constantly and occasionally find myself snapping it - I would not mind in the least if a coworker (or boss) mentioned that it was annoying them and asked me to stop. © 2021 ABC News Internet Ventures. I think one of the better features of this advice column, for what it’s worth, is the panel’s ability to flatly reject our advice. Morgan: This is not what I expected at all. Be it gum, cereal, bananas (okay, we have to stop because we're grossing ourselves out), we are glad you are enjoying it, but we would all prefer to neither hear it, nor see it. There are thousands of us waiting for the call. This is a pretty difficult combination. She needs to have some allies in this. Walt Hickey: I think the letter writer should quit her job. Tell him. People get embarrassed to think someone has been noticing something for months but not said anything. Stop worrying and politely tell her your concern and ask her to stop popping her gum. I think because the gum chewer has a higher position in the company and she does not have thick skin, this is the best possible choice. Its reputation as a diet aid can backfire. Question: “I work in a small office with a woman who loudly cracks and snaps her chewing gum. You can tell Parker that it would … Walt: Still, this seems like the kind of thing that human resources was explicitly created to address. Nope. Wearing clothing that’s too casual 8. Chewing gum 6. Walt: Yeah, this seemed to be the advice that best protected both the gum chewer and her perpetual victims. if you're chewing with your mouth closed chances are that you're ok. How Do I Handle An Annoying Gum-Chewing Co-Worker? Besides, have we forgotten our manners of not talking … People think that the ambient background tapestry of hell is made of screaming and the ripping of flesh. One easy and non-confrontational way to deal with a loud coworker is by blocking out the noise. But if the letter writer talks to her co-workers about it, make sure it’s when they are out at lunch — someplace away from the office building. He didn't smell after that. FiveThirtyEight commissioned a SurveyMonkey Audience poll that ran on Oct. 25, 2016, and received 1,048 responses. but it would be neurotic to care. ), (And whatever you do, do *not* discuss his ethnic background as part of the case. Obviously, that could lead to … If not, establish a point person to talk to her. If not, then she can establish a point person to talk to her, but only one person, since the gum chewer is not thick-skinned. Purchase earplugs. Mouth the words instead of saying them out loud, or write them down in a journal instead of vocalizing them. It’s human nature, you know? Morgan: Well, not exactly, because the gum chewer is thin-skinned, according to the writer. Well, as most etiquette experts will tell you, the only thing more rude than violating the laws of etiquette (i.e. 2. Earplugs are inexpensive and drown out unwanted sounds in the office, whether it is your babbling coworker's voice, his chewing of gum or his blasting of heavy metal music. Eating pungent food 3. Open-mouth chewing makes us feel insane. "Hey, you probably don't realize it, but I can actually hear you chewing your gum all day, and it's distracting. Complaining (incessantly) 7. But perhaps I just have less faith in humans than I would like to admit, because evidently, we have some very nice and considerate people who voted. This is an awful and miserable work environment, and it should be Exhibit A next time someone rants about the benefits of an open-office format. Walt: I think the retaliation must be far greater. Next time you’re getting vexed that someone next to you is loudly munching and crunching on their food, don't fret – it could just be your creative brain. The sound doesn’t need to be loud or particularly intrusive; even quiet ones can trigger the reaction. I have a Bose version that are tiny earbuds rather than full headphones. Morgan: Not surprising at all! Bob, you sound like my Dad, could you chew with your mouth closed please? Send us your quandary! That’s why the long-term plan is my Open Office Liberation Front, which will strike at the heart of the enemy. Sorry, just thought of one possible approach-- my current boss is similarly sensitive to chewing noise. Welcome to the first edition of Survey Says, FiveThirtyEight’s new advice column. You're one of the sweetest people I know but if I hear you crack that gum one more time or hear you chewing it, I'm going to strangle you. He'll be fine, even if he's humiliated for a short while. How did you get your child to stop chewing on... How do I stop my 4-year-old son from chewing. There’s all kinds of shit I put up with in the course of every day life and I would like others to do the same. Around a fifth of people thought that none of what we said was worth hearing, so there may very well be better solutions to this predicament. In that case, you can't use any of these suggestions because of the power differential. I know it's silly, but for some reason it distracts me so much that I … 6. Perhaps that puts too much aggressive in “passive-aggressive,” though. There is a temptation to use the gunny sack approach and tell someone that they’ve been humming or cracking gum for months now and its driving you crazy. You can bet, whether they have said anything or not, coworkers and customers will be glad you had the courage to stop this irritating habit of hers. You can get a small desk fan to create some white noise to kind of drown it out. She wasn’t being necessarily loud with her chewing—in fact, it’s likely that no one else noticed it except for me. Talk to her colleagues to see if anyone has ever talked to the gum chewer about her habit. When this happened to me (after it got so bad I went to see my line manager, my GP and a psychologist about it, because I didn't know how to handle the stress it caused), I asked the gum chewer if we could have a chat, popped into a meeting room and simply asked that he stop smacking his gum as it was affecting my ability to concentrate. Even though they're designed for more constant noises, like an airplane engine, I've been amazed by how much else mine can block out. And as frumiousb says, add in additional anecdotes about your hatred of gum noise. For people who suffer from it, mouth sounds are common triggers. Also, today we learned that about 15 percent of respondents are nonconfrontational to a fault and would just purchase headphones and hope for the best. Try implicating yourself more than the loud chewer, though: "Argh, I have this stupid thing where I cannot handle any gum noise. Loud chewing is the #1 pet peeve. But if he chews loudly or wears pungent cologne every day, that’s a … It could also be something like the sound of someone clicking a pen or tapping a pencil. Manners won't help. frumiousb and Charity G have the right idea. Partisans Don’t Just Disagree, They Hate One Another. Honestly, I have to agree, too – though not to the point of being hostile in response to a request to stop chewing gum, and certainly not chewing it more loudly on purpose. Walt: Right. I am 100 percent behind that. People are alternately on the phone or a computer, and it can be loud sometimes, but not deafening. Morgan: Yes. if you were somehow chewing obnoxiously loud, chances are people would be shooting you dirty looks. In each installment, our two advice-givers will take a reader question, debate what he or she should do, and then survey a panel of people about what the best course of action really is. Say something like "Joe, can I ask you to stop chewing gum so loudly with your mouth open? It's so ridiculous, and I can't believe I'm even asking this but, can you actually chew your gum more quietly when I'm around, please?" All rights reserved. There was a girl next to me that was chewing gum. The fact that you are asking him to be quiet is enough. Ask MetaFilter is where thousands of life's little questions are answered. The earbuds must be the mediocre kind, the kind that you can totally hear what’s going on from the outside of them. I have an unfortunately loud voice that carries when I'm excited or interested in something (which is always). It's actually not so bad! Hell is a symphony composed of the sounds of chewing. Thanks!". Morgan: Yeah, it can’t be the noise-cancelling ones. Younger people love mess. So the next time you are chewing gum, take a second and listen to how you chew. Do You Buy That ... President Joe Biden Can Unite The Country? Best wishes with this challenging situation. We all find it annoying. Good luck; as someone with misophonia, I feel your pain. Morgan: We did. Being polite won't work. She would forget once in a while and I'd just give her the "look", she'd take the gum and put it on her nose like the teachers in school used to do years ago. Focus on only self-talking when you’re alone … I recommend that you get some headphones and use them whenever you want to block out noises around you. Earbuds are a genius idea. Please, please chew with your mouth closed. This person should start a foundation, no, a political movement working to take down the Open Office Floor Plan Industrial Complex. It's actually not so bad! All posts copyright their original authors. Something like: "Begging your pardon, and I don't mean to be rude, but when you chew your gum it's a bit loud and kind of distracts me from my work." Does Noisy Eating and Loud Gum Chewing Drive You Crazy? They are wrong. But there is one. She should buy earbuds and listen to the Hamilton soundtrack on repeat. Morgan: LOL. Say it like it is! “Instead, it’s a disorder of the sensor… But! This isn’t a thing you typically see in other advice columns! Misophonia, a disorder which means sufferers have a hatred of sounds such as eating, chewing, loud breathing or even repeated pen-clicking, was first named as a condition in 2001. Well, I think that’s a bit radical. If you know then really well, let them know its bad manners and they sound like a cow. Purchase headphones and listen to … This is something that I think he'd feel humiliated to hear no matter how you put it. Theoretically, any sound can trigger misophonia, but it’s commonly associated with noises that come from the body – chewing, swallowing, sniffing, even breathing. if they aren't, stop worrying. Trump Leaves The White House Today, More Unpopular Than Ever. I ask people to chew their gum more quietly all the time. Best way to tell him (if at all)? Gum chewing is almost universal. To stop talking to yourself, try chewing gum or pressing your lips together when you feel the urge. Walt: Still, it sounds like this is a thing that other folks have caught on to. Post was not sent - check your email addresses! It has the result that people are quite conscious of it around him without anyone feeling personally spoken to about it-- you might try something like that. "Can you please close your mouth when you chew, its a little loud and disturbing." You're not asking them to dress more sexy, or wax your car - just to stop doing an annoying thing that annoys you. Then I … I wonder if it’s possible for the person to use earplugs to block out the sound or replace it with music. Adjust to your desired level of self-effacement, particularly upon reminders. I am always mortified when someone has to come over and politely ask me to keep it down, especially when it's someone senior or someone I don't even know. @MorganJerkins. 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And snaps her chewing gum, watch out for the call way to with! ’ re going to be loud or particularly intrusive ; even quiet ones can trigger the reaction time are... Use them whenever you want to be quiet is enough been noticing something for months but said! Would suggest a direct approach chances are people would be shooting you dirty looks 40 years old, so behavior! Chew their gum would actually hear it and realize the terrible sound they are.! “ passive-aggressive how to tell someone to stop chewing gum loudly ” though lead to … if you think it 's a....